"This Child is Me"

Oren was a problem child who was removed from two residential group homes and who spent most of his time destroying property. Today, at age 15, he is an excellent student and an outstanding basketball player. His residential group counselors at Tokayer are proud of him.

 
Oren (substitute name), aged 15, a handsome boy with sparkling eyes, returns from basketball practice. His counselors at "Tokayer", a residential group home near the entrance to a kibbutz in the Sharon region, say with pride that he will one day become a star. Oren smiles and glances away with confusion. He is not a big talker. When he opens up and speaks about the home where he grew up, he speaks gently and with maturity, but he is also exposing considerable pain. He has been here for five years, after experiencing two other group homes where he lived since age 5. Before that, there was a sad life story: parents divorced, a mother who was unable to handle to burden of child rearing, separation, financial distress, and a father who disappeared from their lives.

"I was a problem child – cursing, and acting wild. I remember myself throwing stones, destroying things. I never did anyone a favor, I always wanted to destroy. My mother worked at three different jobs around the clock, and I had no one to tell me to stop. I rebelled. At age five and a half I was sent to my first residential group home. I was there for five years, and could not find my place. At the second group home I only managed to remain for a short time and was again kicked out. Then I got to Tokayer. Here I also started on a path of personal rebellion, but everything changed because of a private tutor who came to help me. I was 11 and a half years old. A boy without a chance. She caught up to me and spoke with me. She said if I would not learn, I would never achieve anything in life. She knew that everything she said would go in one ear and come out the other, so, in order to strengthen her words, she took me to see how the homeless live. "

The two of them went around in the city, they met with street people and Oren even spoke with some of them. "I looked at them, dressed in rags, dirty and neglected, and how I looked by comparison. One of them told me a life story that was similar to my own – a father who left home, financial distress, a life without studies and without goals until he got to the streets. He said to me "We laughed at the world, and now the world laughs at us". Oren was shocked. At age 10 and a half he changed. "On the drive back to the residential group home I was quiet. I was shocked. It was as if I had been punched hard and told me to wake up before it is too late."

The change was immediate. "I felt I was born anew. I wanted to start learning – I was in sixth grade and I didn't know how to read or write. I felt a need to change. Within four years I have covered a gap of seven years. As soon as I started I couldn't stop. A huge motivation was born in me. Last year I was already up to my class material. I
really love this group home. Without help and encouragement, I could not have kept it up. I am treated with respect and appreciation and I am given much warmth." In addition to his studies, a bright light in his life is basketball, which he discovered four years ago. Today he plays in one of Sharon's basketball teams, in the national youth league, he is a Macabee Tel Aviv fan, and he watches regularly the NBA games.

What leads you in life?

The knowledge that it is possible to succeed. I believe that in the future I will work with children in group care in order to show them that there is no connection between where you came from and where you can get to. The sky is the limit..